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Beasts in Motion

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[25 May 2004|11:16pm]

[ mood | accomplished ]

another 100,000 miles well done for chevy.

Look My suburbans new again!

..this is probably the only time I will ever own a vehicle that the odometer is all zeros.

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Posted for Spyderbite [27 Apr 2004|10:04pm]


Come on I know you want it!
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If I can park a suburban..... [30 Mar 2004|11:09pm]

[ mood | blah ]

Some little fuck in a ford fuckass hit me in the parking lott tonite. Behold the powers of Suburban! Little Red remains undamaged. The fuckass scratched and dented its front end. Stupid fucktard cant park something the size of a peanut in a spot the size of a buss.

1 comment|post comment

this was too good not to share... [22 Mar 2004|05:18am]

[ mood | amused ]

1 comment|post comment

may the fart tube burn in hell! [19 Mar 2004|07:33pm]

[ mood | accomplished ]

have a stock 92 ram with a 318, that's right 318! I hate using no ball pussy looser measurements like liters! it's an american car measure it like an american! all I have done is put a 70 series delta flow flowmaster on it, 3" from the Y-pipe all the way back, and I can't begin to count how many import alarms I have set off in the past year. I get such enjoyment out of it, I grin at the thought. and the looks of utter disbelief, shock, and smiles, is all the thanx and motivation I need to keep making my kid louder and more of a civic killer, every day! Thank you
Mother Mopar for giving us Dodge!

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[16 Mar 2004|09:22pm]

I just ran over part of a ford explorer while running a red light in front of about 5 or 6 cops.

I know it's pointless but I just wanted to share that.
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guess whos back.. back again.. the flying brick is back.. tell a friend!! [11 Mar 2004|09:28pm]
ohhhh ya!!! u guesed it! im getting the grand prix back baby!! 7 months of school, driving 40 miles or more a day killed my pocket.. now i only drive 4 miles to work in thorofare and woodbury!! sooo im getting the gp back!! hellllll ya!
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A Tutorial [07 Mar 2004|08:47am]

Identifying Characteristics Of A Honda Civic Driver

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State Of The Fart Tube Address [05 Mar 2004|10:26pm]

Since our club president is too busy jerking off to pictures of s10 extremes to write the current state of the fart tube address, I will take it upon myself to do so.

The epidemic has gotten out of hand. No matter where you go nowadays, you can not go more than fifteen minutes without hearing a car that has an exhaust that sounds roughly like a drunk bumble bee fucking a moped while shoving a vibrator up it's own ass. Even in remote areas where one woudl expect to see beat up old pick up trucks with farm equipment in the back, there are swarms of 45 horsepower imports and american ricers (i.e. ford probes, chevy cavaliers) with wings and fart tubes.

should we blame this upon the drivers themsleves? well, yes, we should. after all, they are the dipshits that went out and spent asinine amounts of money on an exhaust so they can try their hardest to be as cool as vin diesel wasn't in the movie I won't mention by name. Should we, those who appreciate American cars with some balls, blame ourselves for not trying to stop this? well, we could, but I quite frankly would rather spend more time on figuring out how to get more horsepower out of my engine instead of blaming myself for the pussifying of this countries custom auto scene. But, I do offer some tips so that you...yes, you,...or even me for that matter, can help end the epidemic that is upon us.

Real Exhaust
I am not suggesting that you attempt to convince the feeble minded that an exhaust that can be drowned out by a huffy with a baseball card in the spokes is no good. I am suggesting that you use your exhaust to fight back. Most cars with fart tubes have a car weight to fart tube weight ratio of approximately 1:1 or, at most, 2.5:1 This woudl place the full weight of most fart tube having cars, driver included, at approximately 33 pounds. Now, for those sporting side exhaust, pull up next to one fo these cars. for those with pipes straight out the back, get in front of one. Pop it in neutral and floor it. even the weakest American exhaust should roll one of these pieces of shit over with ease.

Watermelons ar generally just the right size to fit into the opening of a fart tube and block it up for good. no more noise, and no more annoying import driver. If you fidn that a watermelon happens to be too small for the car you are attempting to plug up, try a pumpkin, a beachball, or 5 gallons of cement.

Learning ti identify an import driver (tutorial coming later in the week) can eliminate the problem before you even hear it. Beatign the driver to death with a stick, or stabbing them to death with a rusty spoon, will keep the shitty car from ever starting up again. Once you get really good at identification, you can learn to identify which children will grow up to drive shitty cars with shittier exhaust. and there isn't a much better source of protein than children.

Most people that drive cars with fart tubes insist that by putting the exhaust, a wing, and a cold air intake on their car, they can now run low 13s. This would indicate their complete lack of knowledge about...everything. Mention within ear shot of a group of civic drvin gangstas that ever since you added powdered chlorine to the gas tank of your '74 gremlin, you have been running high 8's. Boom. Problem solved.

I thank you, the maintainers of cool cardom, for taking time to
read over the state of the fart tube address. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please fele free to take full advantage of the little comment link at the bottom.

Thank You
Club VP
Admitted Dodgeoholic (and damn proud of it)
2 comments|post comment

get off meeeee!! [04 Mar 2004|12:44am]
fart tubes are gay.. thats all i have to say for now, im going to bed i will try to eventually wright something funny in here... LATER
2 comments|post comment

eeeeeeem ffo teg [02 Mar 2004|10:15pm]

I'm bored. so heres the meaningd for some popular car makes.

Swedish Automobiles Always Break

Had One. Never Did Again.
Hold On...No Damn Acceleration?

Towed On Yesterday's Only Travel Attempt

Fix It Again, Tony
Fault of Italian Automotive Technicians

Gota Mechanic Comin'
Garage Mans Companion

Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips
Cracked Heads. Every Valve ruined. Oil Leaks. Engine Trouble.

(I was only kidding about chevy and GMC. I liek them. No, really...I do)

Dem Old Dogs Go Everywhere

Found On Road Dead
Fixed Or Repaired Daily
Fucked On Recent Deal
Fucked Over Rebuilt Dodge
Fucked On Race Day
Flip Over, Read Directions
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
First On Rust and Decay
First On Recall Day
Fault Of Research and Development
Faggots Only Real Desire
(backwards) Driver Returns On Foot

Ok I think I'm done. And remember the golden honda rule:
Civics are like tampons: Every pussy has one.
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I had to post this .... [22 Feb 2004|11:40pm]

Ok I dont know if any of you have ever checked out cardomain.com but I was just browsing for hot suburbans last night and I found this and I just had to share.



this guy has the right Idea.


yes some real hottness.. Suburban style.
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Busy Busy Saturday [07 Feb 2004|11:31pm]


what on earth is my Ram doign pulling in to a shop?

getting a new face and a new voice to go with itCollapse )

Later in the day, Bill and I went to the Philadelphia International Car Show.

hell yeah...Collapse )
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Dealing With Imports, 101 [01 Feb 2004|10:14pm]

A little lesson in how to deal with imported cars.

Lesson one:

When you stop at several stores in one day, and every time the only parking spot is next to a honda civic, the best way to deal with it is:

A-Park somewhere else.
B-Bitch about it
C-grab some ice off of your truck and hit the civic with it
D-both B and C

The correct answer is D

Lesson two:

When you come out of a store, and find that a mercedes has parked in a non spot and could have potentially blocked you in because the driver is an asshole, the correct way to deal with it is:

A-Drive away like nothing happened
B-bitch about it
C-Spit on the uber expensive luxury car
D-back out and do a burnout towards a seagull, scaring the living shit out of it
E-B,C,and D

The correct answer is E

I hope everyone enjoyed this little lesson. feel free to add your own.
1 comment|post comment

To rice or not to rice? [01 Feb 2004|02:27pm]

First off I want to introduce myself. Hi I'm Aimee, I drive a 1988 chevy suburban, I get 17mpg and shes getting ready to rollover her odometer to all zeros again. I wouldn't trade her for ANYTHING! The following is a terrificly amusing event that you should all appreciate.

My friend and I went out for Chinese food thursday night. I had some left over so I figured Id leave it in my car over night since it was below freezing out it wouldn't go bad. I could bring it to class the next day heat it up and have it for lunch. Well the next day came and I had just left class and was on my way home to get ready for work and I felt terribly hungry. So I popped open the forgotten little box of leftovers sitting on the seat next to me, and took out a chunk of white rice. I was driving pretty slow and as I bit into the chunk of rice a car came from behind me and started to pass. At this exact moment I realized that the rice was in fact a gross frozen lump and I rolled down my window and tossed it out. It hit a black honda civic with a red hood and red mirrors in the winsheild....

so yea ... I riced a ricer.
3 comments|post comment

front wheel drive.. ew [29 Jan 2004|05:24pm]
well.. i drove the grand prix and the lumina in the snow this week.. teh grand prix wins in yet another category.. i dont think the lumina has a single thing over the grand prix other then gas mileage.. i think the grand prix even looks better!! we should have a b.i.m meeting one day while d.i.m2 is having one.. thta would b some shit!!
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[15 Dec 2003|04:50pm]

Ok, I'm going to get the ball rolling in here and post something in the event that anyone actually happens upon this community.

You don't have to be anything special to join, just as long as you don't drive a Ford or some shit ass import.

Why post here? um...why not. post what you want. post pictures of your car. post something you find interesting. bitch about ricers. it's all good.

Now, let's see if anyone actually finds this community...
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